Saturday, January 10, 2009

it's good for you.

i'm going to refrain from getting too schmaltzy and mushy here, but this is a bit of a personal blog which just means you get to know that i am more that an amazing cook who is handy with a pot of glue (ahem). i made a lot of new year's resolutions, keeping up with this blog is among them. so is learning spanish, paying off specific bills (you know who you are and i'm coming for you!), and writing a letter to a friend every sunday. also, perhaps the most difficult, is to try to rebuild my relationship with my mother. you may think that the reason that i haven't spoken to her in over 6 months is because one or both of us are horrible people. not true. my mother is ideal and has always been there if i needed anything. our problem lies in an eternal personality conflict. put us in a room together and there is instant friction and usually we end up ignoring eachother in an awkward silence. so, when i got pushed into a pool over the summer and my phone was destroyed, i simply got a new one and never gave my mother the number. i am a horrible daughter. fast forward through six months of guilt and intense internal and matriarchal conflict. i knew i should get in touch, but with every month it just seemed harder and i kept putting it off until tomorrow. you know how that goes. but the moral of the story is: don't put it off. so i sent my mother an email (yes, a coward's way out) apologizing and letting her know that i hoped we could see eachother soon. i realized how much i missed her when i got her reply and immediately cried and snotted all over my boyfriends shirt. she said i was always going to be her favorite daughter (nevermind that i'm the only one) and that she loved me. so i'm going to work very hard on having the kind of relationship with her that she deserves and learn to let our (many) differences complement eachother rather than do damage. and the second moral of the story is this: make an apology you've been putting off, or forgive something you need to let go of. even if nothing comes of it, i promise you will feel better. enough sap for one day, who needs a drink?


Pamela said...

hear, hear!

my mom and i suddenly have a great email correspondence. you know she & i were estranged for 3 and a half years? oh yes. but now...what you said up there. so true. xo

iamgowan said...

That made me a little emotional. Yeah, even though me and my mom aren't psychological soul-mates, and she's just a mom, she's still 'mom'. Struggling through life just like the best of us.

miss jacobs if you're nasty. said...

pamela- i didn't know. but it seems like things have healed themselves. sometimes you just need a really long friggin break to understand how to best treat a relationship. i'm glad they worked out for you!

and mike- i think that's the best way to think of moms, and even most people in general. dealing with a mountain of insignificant but sometimes overwhelming crap everyday, the best way that they know how.